Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
