Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
