i think my tv is drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
