Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize