my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
