They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
