I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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