So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
