She said her name was "party"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
