Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
