So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
