i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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