I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
how does that bad decision feel?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
