Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize