So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
