i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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