My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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