Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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