She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize