she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize