Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
