I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
love makes seman taste better
My pussy is not your playground.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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