the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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