he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is Oprah even human
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
