I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
