Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
