i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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