Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
