I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
