2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
