I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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