i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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