we're chasing vodka with high fives
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
