i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She needs sedatives and a leash
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
