I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
