Don't make out with my wife yet
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
