the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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