Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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