Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Found your dick twin last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize