Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
