Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
