i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
