my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
