If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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