just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize