What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
