They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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