Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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