I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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