This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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