No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
