I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
