vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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