then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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