brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
did you just send me my own nude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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