He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize