Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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