eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
