There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
40s are totally the cure
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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