i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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