so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
