Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
