thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize