ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
