im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
