Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
