Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
