i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize