And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
