Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
