dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
