how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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