He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
