Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This house was built for laser tag.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
