it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
