its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
