I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
