i think my mom watched the whole time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
