I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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