Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
