he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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