he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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