So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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