Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
