I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
