Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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