bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This is my gift to your gina
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I forget how to act sober
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
