So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
