I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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