My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bring money and cleavage
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
