i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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