You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im holly from the hills drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
