he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
