I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
