Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
