Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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