im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
