I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
