do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
