I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
